The Cutting Room Floor
by JaneAus10
Summary: Extended/Alternate Endings for the series finale. COMPLETE. Image: Mount Saint-Victoire 1906 Paul Cézanne


Title: The Cutting Room Floor

Rating: T

Genre: Crack!Ficlet

Spoilers: Finale

Characters: Lee/Kara, Doc Cottle, Chief, Head!Six, Head!Gaius, others

Disclaimers: Ronald D Moore owns all BSG characters

Image Credit: Mount Saint-Victoire, Paul Cézanne (1906)

Summary: Alternate/extended endings to the series finale(s) without undoing any of RDM's _art_

Why?: Because the Lee/Kara ending left something to be desired.

Why2?: Because laughing is usually better than crying.

Why3?: Because I couldn't stop myself from writing it

Author's Note: At end of story

o

Lee Adama and Kara Thrace stand in a grassy, open field on the warm African savannah of Tanzania [on a cold, windy day outside of Vancouver].

[Kara goes *poof*]

Lee murmurs that she will never be forgotten.

**(The following Extended Ending of the First Ending of "Daybreak Part 2" wound up on the cutting room floor due to the length of time taken previously in season 4.5 by the 'mutiny' subplot, the 'Liam' subplot and the Roslin/Adama make-out scenes. It helps make up for the 'lack of Lee' in 4.5. Warning: This Extended Ending will probably not make the DVD so don't buy it expecting it to be there.) **

[Fast Forward six weeks]

Lee, looking a little thinner, prepares a backpack with some essentials so that he can leave the next day to _go exploring_. He talks with Doc Cottle about the possible folly of sending all their medical technology and supplies into the sun with Sam aboard the _Galactica_.

Cottle agrees since most of the base camp's occupants have already had bouts of dysentery from drinking the local water. There is no more toilet paper, and well, he doesn't have to say anything else about that.

Athena walks by and asks if they've seen Hera.

Cottle tells Lee that he's concerned about a rumor going around the camp that Paulla, leader of the Baltar cultists, has been overwhelmed with the missionary spirit and wants to convert the Earth 2.0 natives to monotheism and the One True God. The problem lies in the fact that the natives don't appear to have a spoken language yet and won't understand her. Lee tells Cottle not to worry, that it will all somehow be imprinted on the natives' _genetic memory_ and passed down through the next eight thousand generations intact including _All Along the Watchtower_.

The phrase _A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away _keeps running through Lee's mind. He hopes someone gets imprinted with that.

Lee and Cottle talk about the fact that the Sons of Ares have kept their weapons and have begun setting themselves up in a compound. Their leader has issued the challenge that Lee or President Lampkin or anyone else can _come and try to take their guns away if they have the balls_. [Later changed to _guts_ by the program's censors]_._

Helo limps by asking if they've seen Hera.

Cottle tells Lee that it's probably a good idea that he's going to _get out of town_ for a year or two, figuratively speaking of course, since there are no towns. It seems that many in the Rag Tag Fleet are having serious second thoughts about Lee's decision to _revert to the Stone Age_ for the sake of breaking a _cycle of fighting and annihilation_ that appeared to have _already been broken_ by the destruction of the Cylons' Colony. Lee doesn't understand what part of_ wipe the slate clean_ that they can't comprehend unless it has to do with the lack of toilet paper.

He allows himself a moment of forgiveness for the originally-loyal, then-turned-traitor, now-redeemed, definitely-dead Racetrack and her extremely timely, accidental and accurate [although slightly deus ex machina] release of her Raptor's nukes. He lumps the suicides/justifiable homicides and other assorted deaths of the bad Cylons on the _Galactica_ into the same plot device and then decides he'd better analyze that some more.

Chief walks up and starts griping about how he is totally bummed out that the Scottish Highlands are under a couple hundred feet of glacial ice and he's going to have to wait _a long time_ to change his name to Duncan MacLeod. Cottle has obviously had to listen to Chief complain about this numerous times lately and finally tells Chief to _get over it_ or take some Prozac ®. Chief reminds him that all the Prozac ® went into the sun with the _Galactica_ and Prozac ® doesn't work on Cylons anyway_._ Cottle snarks that maybe Chief could benefit from some counseling and sarcastically suggests Chief's 'son', _Brother Cavil_.

Lee defends Chief and tells Cottle that he has gotten a little _bitchy_ [later changed to _up-tight_] because he has finally _run out of cigarettes after five years_. Chief reminds him that the tobacco-warehouse/cigarette-manufacturing/whiskey distillery and bottling ship also went into the sun. Cottle grumbles and goes off to look for some locally-grown weed, becoming even bitchier [more uptight] when he realizes he's on the wrong continent for growing tobacco and should have taken the last ship leaving for North America.

Helo and Athena limp/walk by together and ask if they've seen Hera.

Chief finally goes off to project himself into his and Boomer's empty dream house and practice fighting with a sword. Lee sits down by the fire and eats a meal of roast pigeon that he had found fluttering around a broom. The bird is too well-done, and Lee decides he should have left it as a vague bit of symbolism so everyone would be able to speculate about its meaning.

For the forty-second night in a row he has to yell at Tigh and Ellen to hold down the noise in the next tent since some of them are trying to sleep. Apparently someone was thinking ahead and the supply of Viagra ® didn't go into the sun with Sam.

o

[Fast Forward six more weeks]

Lee, looking very gaunt, stands in the middle of a vast and grassy plain [along with eight hundred thousand flamingos] reconsidering his idea to _climb every mountain, ford every stream…etc._ Captain Von Trapp without Maria and the kids is a very lonely existence and there is no music for the hills to come alive with since he left Bear McCreary behind in the camp. Nevertheless, Lee sends sonorous vibes to the native's genetic memory. _Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens…etc._

He looks at the volcanic peak in the distance and tries to find the name of it in his _Fodor's Guide to the Galaxy_, but realizes nothing is listed under Earth 2.0. It only lists Earth 1.0 (Radioactive travel advisory; five-star rating downgraded to zero). He goes to the section on mountains and picks a name that he likes. He will call the peak Kilimanjaro. He thinks about how great that name would sound in the title of a short story, especially a short story by a macho writer many years in the future who will write about climbing the mountain symbolically instead of literally. It should no longer be an active volcano in 100,000+ years and will probably be snow-capped. He sends literary thought vibes to the native's genetic memory.

Lee questions his decision to climb an obviously active volcano, but since it is the only mountain he sees in the landscape and he has told Kara he is going to explore and climb mountains, he forges ahead. Perhaps he should throw his _wedding ring,_ aka_ precious_, into the volcano and see what happens. He commits these literary thoughts to the native's genetic memory as well before he thinks about Dee for a full three seconds.

He is a little angry now that his dad flew off in the only remaining Raptor since Lee could have gotten a much better view of the volcano by _flying over it_. He then realizes that anything short of exploring it would be cheating and Lee has a thing about cheating unless it's with Kara and then he _forgets the meaning of the word_ even when she's with his _brother_. He suffers an angst-ridden, confusing, Zak-related flashback moment of guilt and wonders if that's why he can never get over the desire to _frak Kara on a table_. If they had done that even once, it might not still be such an obsession with him, keeping him _stuck there_ and _unable to move on with their relationship_.

He doesn't begrudge his father spending the rest of his (obviously shorter) life sitting by Laura's cairn talking to his _corpse bride_, but he does think the Old Man should have returned the Raptor. Of course it was probably low on tylium anyway and they sent the tylium ship into the sun along with the others.

An inkling of why the RTF is so pissed at him slowly begins to dawn. He suffers a full five minutes of brooding self-doubt, father-related issues and Zak/Kara-related guilt as he contemplates the _meaning of his life_ and the identity of the '_real' dying leader_. [This scene is cut to fifteen seconds by the editor who cites an intolerance among a certain segment of viewers for solitary brooding scenes even in an edgy and topical sci-fi epic. Said editor looks for a way to get in more CGI scenes and other assorted explosions to please _those_ viewers until reminded of their meager special effects budget and somebody's directive that _it's all about the characters, stupid_.]

Lee trudges on until nightfall when he makes camp which consists of getting a blanket out of his pack, munching on a stale algae cake and lying down on the ground, avoiding as many insects as he can. He has finally run out of Off!®

Cutaway to a scene of a very large saber-toothed cat silently stalking through the long grass of the darkened landscape. There are several alternating scenes of Lee looking up at the moon and stars and flashing back to when he was _up there_ with Kara. He thinks about New Caprica when he was _down there_ with Kara and had to settle for frakking her _on the ground_ instead of on a table. Lee, obsessed with the dark lighting of their only naked love scene and the missing table, fails to hear the cat creeping nearer and nearer through the grass.

[Due to the cost of the CGI, viewer sensitivity and feared backlash from animal rights activists, it was originally decided that details about Lee's last minutes on Earth 2.0 and his reward on _the other side_ would not be committed to film but only suggested by showing an empty landscape the next morning with the volcano erupting symbolically in the background. The episode's director is concerned that without a little blood or some body parts, Lee's disappearance might also be taken as another *poof* and the writer has promised him _one *poof* and one *poof* only_. The writer assures him that Lee's ending is dark [literally], edgy and arty and everyone will _get it_ and if they don't, then Lee can be interpreted as _anything the viewer wants him to be.]_

[The following scene is added at the producer's insistence and only after the actors, who have been with the series since the beginning fail to _get it_.]

Lee opens his eyes to a very bright light. It takes a minute for him to realize that he is lying on his back in the Elysian Fields or Heaven, whichever suits the viewer's belief system. He is _on the other side_ [spelled out for the viewers in small letters across the bottom of the screen]_._ The bright light is the Elysian/Heavenly sun. He shields his eyes against it, fearful for a moment that he is waking up back on New Caprica and has to go through _that_ again.

Kara is sitting beside him chewing on a blade of grass. She grins. "It took you long enough."

"I stopped to become a saber tooth's snack."

"_I stopped for coffee_ sounded better."

Lee reaches up and touches her face. "I'm here. You're here. Sam's not. That's all that matters."

Kara gives him an eye-roll. "What was I supposed to tell him before he flew into the sun? _You're toast? _It was not the time to get into the existential do-Cylons-have-souls issue. I'm leaving that to the writer."

Lee pulls her down to him. "I couldn't agree more."

There are only five kisses in Elysium's/Heaven's recorded history that have been worth mentioning, including those in _The Princess Bride_, but even Peter Falk agrees that Lee and Kara's kiss is the very best of them all.

Lee and Kara go off camera to find the nearest table.

Return to the shot of the volcano erupting symbolically in the background at which point it is hoped that _everyone_ now _gets it_.

[Erupting volcano footage was taken from other sources and did not add to the CGI budget, but will hopefully count with _certain viewers_ as equal to a base star exploding.]

o

[Fast Forward 150,000 years [give or take 10K] into the Earth 2.0 future]

Head!Gaius and Head!Six walk down a street in New York City. They stop and stare over the shoulder of a man looking at a _National Geographic Magazine._

**(Alternate Ending for the Second Ending of "Daybreak Part 2". Don't look for this one on the extended DVD either.)**

Head!Gaius: "He's reading the article about Mitochondrial Eve."

Head!Six: "No he's not. He's looking at the artist's conceptual drawing of _naked_ _M.E_."

Head!Gaius: [Snickers] "She does look a bit small and pre-modern-day human, doesn't she?"

Head!Six: [Defensively] "They only found a few pieces of her skeleton. The artist didn't have much to work with. He couldn't have known her father was six foot three and her mother was five foot nine."

Head!Gaius: "The artist didn't get her face exactly right, either. She looks African instead of Eurasian. Oh, silly me. I forgot. She _was found_ in Africa, wasn't she? That _would_ tend to make one believe she originated there."

The Heads leave the man enthralled with the article about Mitochondrial Eve and continue down the street.

Head!Six: [Whispers to Head!Gaius] "He's getting inspired to write something about her. I can feel it."

Head!Gaius: [Snickers again] "Won't that be an interesting piece of _science fiction_?"

They separate briefly to allow a young couple to pass between them. The man is handsome and blue-eyed. He is wearing a navy suit and stripped tie such as a successful young lawyer might wear. His wife's blond hair is pulled into a ponytail. She is wearing a summer dress and sandals. Her arm is looped through his. They keep glancing at each other, obviously very much in love. The man is pushing a stroller with a curly-haired blond child approximately a year old. They wave to an older man and woman who are waiting for them outside a restaurant.

Head!Six: [Looks back over her shoulder] "They all look very familiar."

Head!Gaius: "It's been so many millennia and there have been so many humans, I couldn't say. When you've seen billions, the faces do tend to run together."

Head!Six: "That's really what it's all about, you know. The story most worth telling. The desire to carry on the human race. Generations. Love and family."

Head!Gaius: "I feel like we've forgotten something." [Palm slaps forehead] "Of course. We forgot to clobber our viewers with dire warnings of _It's happened before, it will happen again._ We forgot to show the life-like robots."

Head!Six: [Loops her arm through his] "Don't worry. It's in the other ending. The one they're going to use." [She glances back over her shoulder again]

The older man lifts his grandchild from the stroller. They all go into the restaurant.

Head!Six: "Personally I like this ending better."

Head!Gaius: "Too bad it ended up on the cutting room floor."

The End

o

**Author's Note:**

Apologies to the following (in no particular order) for my blatant hijacking of ideas, titles and/or material:

1) George Lucas and his wonderful _Star Wars_

2) Bob Dylan and _All Along the Watchtower_

3) The movie and television series _The Highlander_.

4) Rogers and Hammerstein for their classic _The Sound of Music_

5) Bear McCreary for his beyond-words outstanding soundtrack for BSG (I hijacked Bear himself and not his music)

6) Fodor's for their wonderful world travel guides

7) Ernest Hemingway for _The Snows of Kilimanjaro and other Stories_

8) John Ronald Reuel Tolkein for his classic _The Lord of the Rings_

9) Tom Clancy (author) and Sean Connery (actor) in the awesome, _The Hunt for Red October_ (Captain Ramius/Connery: "Give me a ping, Vasili. One ping only, please."

10) William Goldman (author) and Peter Falk (actor) in the lovely, comedic fantasy, _The Princess Bride_

11) All the wonderful reviewers, interviewers, critics and bloggers who had something to write about _BattleStar Galactica_ since 2003

12) And Last But Not Least: A big 'Thank You' to the very talented group of writers, producers, editors, musicians and actors who made the last six years (and countless fan fics) possible.


End file.
